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Scene from It's Only TV, But I Like It (1999)

David Croft

Andy Davies
Jon Naishmith

Jonathan Ross

Broadcast by:

"(?)" is used to indicate uncertain transcription phrases.

An elderly guest has been describing in her own words a certain British television celebrity: " . . . How he is on the television is how he really acts..."

Clary: "Dale Winton?" [a British television presenter]

(Laughter from the audience.)

Ross: "Afraid not."

WR (cautiously): "I think it is Jim Davidson. . . " [a well-known game show host]

Ross: "You've got to buzz in when they're talking. Come on . . ."

(The camera is on Wendy as she goes for her buzzer. A buzz is immediately heard from somewhere else as she continues to struggle with her buzzer.)

Ross (to Wendy): "No, wait, wait; give us a chance . . ."

White(smiling mischievously): "Jim Davidson."

(Laughter from the audience. Wendy sits, astonished.)

WR : "I said it first!"

White : "Well, ya didn't buzz."

WR : "No, but I said it first!"

White (shaking her finger at Wendy): "Ya didn't buzz!"

WR (trying to get a word in, as audience laughter continues): "I said . . . I said . . ."

Leslie  (to Wendy): "Wendy, don't mess with that one...."

WR: "I said . . ." (to Leslie) "-- She doesn't know me yet --" (then back to White again, with a sweep of her hand as emphasis) ". . . Jim Davidson before we'd even got to the second bit! I said it in the beginning!"

White : "When Jonathan asked each team what. . ."

Ross : "Don't bring me in it! Nothing to do with me!"

WR : "I said it before he said . . ."

White (appearing a bit intimidated): "Oh, you can have it then, you can have it then."

Dee (White's team captain) : "Don't say she can have it!"

(more laughter from the audience)

White: "Okay, you can't have it . . ."

Dee : "Simple enough instructions...."

Ross : "It was of course Jim Davidson." (to Wendy) "You did say it early . . ."

WR : "I did!...."

Ross : ". . . but your team captain didn't take it from you, you see."

WR :(turning and pointing to Clary and speaking in a low tone of voice) : "Ah, it's your fault "

Clary : "I did take it . . ."

WR (to Clary): "I said Jim Davidson . . ."

Ross : "I just want to deflect it from me."

Clary (pointing to Ross): "It's his fault . . ."

Ross : "It's not my fault! The rules are written down somewhere. I have to follow them."

Clary : "Well, the British public knows who said it first . . ." (With a 'so-there' expression, Wendy nods to the audience, vindicated.) ". . . and it was no one on Jack's team . . ."

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